When kids compete, parents also have responsibilities.
By Alejandro Gorenstein | Clarin Magazine
For children, practicing sports should be something that adapts to their individual possibilities and needs. Recreational activities where they can meet and make friends with other kids without constantly thinking about the pursuit of success. However, it is common for many parents to place too many, even excessive, expectations regarding their children’s performance, creating extra pressure and demands that they are not always able to meet. What should the role of adults be?
“It’s always important for parents to provide support. Be present without influencing or conditioning. Let the child express their likes and desires, giving them the confidence and security to do so. If the parents’ role is directed at creating respect and self-confidence in the child, this will be the strongest foundation that will favor learning about overcoming difficulties,” explains psychologist Silvina Beckmann, a sports psychology specialist, to Clarín.
“The challenge is to enable children to go through the process as naturally as possible, developing in them the ability to enjoy. We can be facilitators of that enjoyment while instilling commitment, responsibility, and discipline. Be present, listening, supporting their growth, and educating by example,” adds Beckmann, who is a member of the Argentine Sports Psychology Association (APDA).
The 5 Types of Parents
Carina Ballestero, a licensed psychologist who practiced high-performance artistic gymnastics from the age of 5 to 17, describes five types of parents based on their attitudes toward children who practice sports:
- Hypercritical Parents
Very demanding, they rarely reinforce positive things, constituting a stress factor for their children. - Shouting Parents
Impatient and unwilling to change their behavior. - Overprotective Parents
Excessively cautious about their children’s practice, they transmit a lot of insecurity. - Indifferent Parents
They do not recognize the value of their children’s sport and do not support them. - Balanced Parents
They can support without pressuring, and it becomes an enjoyable experience for their children.
Parental Support
“It’s important for parents to show interest in their children’s activities, including their sporting participation. It’s also important to consider how children perceive their parents’ presence and their intention for being there to ‘watch them.’ If they go to ‘watch’ them play to criticize, demand better performance, or show off that they are the parents of the ‘best,’ it’s ideal for parents to reflect on their motivations. It’s likely that their children will feel like they are being evaluated, and instead of playing for the pleasure of the sport, they may start feeling performance anxiety. It’s very likely that they will demand more of themselves, trying to show they are good and get frustrated when things don’t go as expected,” explains Dr. Edith Vega, psychologist at Fundación Hospitalaria – Fundación Aiglé.
Transmission of Values
For Beckmann, when children are determined by their parents’ expectations, they are often subjected to pressures they are not prepared to assimilate and transform positively. In most cases, they will feel frustrated, which can lead to early abandonment of sports. “A reflective approach is needed when it comes to the messages given to the child to avoid contradictions and, consequently, saying one thing but executing another. When the message is solely focused on results and success depends exclusively on winning, the playful aspect of learning sports is lost. The child needs play to learn how to win or lose, as that develops their ability to compete. Play is essential. Through sports, the child develops self-confidence by getting to know themselves better, their strengths and weaknesses. They develop social skills, learn about teamwork, different roles within a team, cooperation, and the acceptance of limits through incorporating rules,” says Beckmann.
Friendship, flexibility with teammates, respect for everyone (including the opponent), self-care, responsibility in tasks, and passion for what they do should be some of the values parents could teach and transmit to their children.
“Many adults believe and feel that they own their children’s desires, turning them into mandates, into what they must do because ‘I did it,’ or because ‘I could,’ or because ‘I wasn’t successful in this.’ And they move away from their children’s perspective. The most important thing is to listen to them, accompany them, encourage them, and congratulate them on their achievements,” recommends Ballestero.
“Supporting means being with the child, celebrating success, and understanding when success doesn’t come. It means being present with an open heart to understand the child’s emotions, respecting them, and validating them. It’s being willing to talk, provide support, and offer comfort. Supporting is helping them feel that, no matter the result of the game, parents are there to congratulate or to comfort the disappointment,” suggests Vega.
What About Coaches?
The coach is a fundamental figure in the initiation of children in sports. If they can perform their role effectively and build their leadership to guide learning, it will help the child discover and make the most of their potential. A good coach should guide, support, and lead.
“Communication is the indispensable tool for teachers and coaches. It needs to be refined daily to achieve its maximum benefit. Communication is not just about what we say, but also the consistency with which we support or not through our attitude, gestures, and body language. This way, we gain trust and optimize relationships. Coaches and teachers spend a lot of hours training. The relationship developed with the coach will undoubtedly impact the child’s bond with the sport. A child who develops their own interests will be better disposed and more committed,” concludes Beckmann.
